sigh.

finally crawled up at 3 a.m. for dunno wtf reason, and been unable to sleep since.
hate being awake at this time, especially when i’ve nothing to do but sit and think. the saiyuki downloads are running, sonicstage’s just upgraded, found a few of my cadets from sec sch red cross.. wrote a few testimonials in friendster.. but yep. the keyword’s ‘think’. i don’t feel like thinking, especially when i can think of nothing else but the past in the quiet hours of the morning.

i don’t want to distance myself from her, and especially not her. i admit the love’s long dissipated, but i still wish i could talk and give her the support she needs, and be there for her.

but of course, if i carry on like that i’ll end up being played like a fool again. so instead, i seesaw up and down on two extremes, from trying to be as cold as possible to actually missing her at times. what a dumbass i am; it’s really a damn joke sometimes. i’m try to forget but i can’t, and i sourly conclude with suspicion that i never will.

now that i’m bloody free, i should be continuing my writing now, but.. no mood. the next part of writing’s when it all just begun. not that it’s hard to write, but getting started is tough. that’s writer’s block for you i guess. or does writer’s block refer to lack of inspiration? heh.

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You might be interested reading in these posts:

• sigh.
• Keinian ideals – Costs of living in Melbourne (versus Singapore) part 1: Taxes
• assorted thoughts